All the popular people are doing it! 8D Yey, list the top five fears and display them for the world and watch everyone agree with you, yaaaaay!

>> Right. At first I wasn't going to bother, as I didn't even think I had many fears. But then I thought 'Why the hell not? It'll give the one person who reads my journal something to think about'. This took a while to figure out and type, by the way.


1) Hospitals.
Yup. At the top of the list. Hospitals. Part of the reason why I took my Senior Care job is to see if I can overcome this paralyzing fear. So far, it's not working that great. The waiting rooms are all I can take. If I go into the elevators to take me to higher floors or go down the hallways, I'm on the verge of collapse. I have no reason why I should be afraid, as I've never had a bad incident with the hospital, I've never broken a bone or was ever a patient. But I have this paralyzing fear that I will become a patient, oftentimes when I get hurt or get scared driving at night, I keep repeating 'I dont' wanna get hurt, I don't wanna go to the hospital, PLEASE don't put me in the hospital.' Four hours in the ER with my non-emergency client a few days ago was...not nice. Couldn't stop shaking.


2) Fear itself
Little less than hospitals, but still quite up there. Bash me if you want, but I saw what fear truly is during my first month of pizza delivery. It is not centered on an object or idea. It's just THERE. You may try to put it on something, but then it'll be another, and another, until it consumes you. Fear is fear, it'll disguise itself as a simple thing when it really isn't. Hard to describe, I know...but I've been there.


3) Being unable to have children.
My ultimate wish in life is to have a family. Adopt one beautiful baby girl and have one of my own. I could care what career I have or where I'll live or if I'm rich or not. My children are all that's going to matter to me, and a husband/wife who'll love them as much as I do. There is quite the possibility I won't be able to have children naturally. Artificial insemination (sp?) I could care less about; a baby is a baby, right? My worry is them coming OUT, my body is perfect for carrying them...but I have a condition that may prevent childbirth. It is curable and I'm doing as much research as possible...but the idea that I have it and won't be able to have my child unless it's treated...well...Oo Yeah...


4) Growing old.
Laugh if you want, but I work with Senior Citizens. Each time I work, I watch these people be shells of who they used to be and wonder how the hell they can keep going like this. It’s a strength I don’t have. I don’t want to lose my identity to the hazards of growing old. I don’t want to have to use a walker to go somewhere, or spend fifteen minutes struggling to get out of bed. I do NOT want to rely on others to take care of me. I’m not going to commit suicide or anything to prevent that horrible stage of life…but I’m doing what I can to keep my health and strength up so I CAN take care of myself when I reach such a high age. To become a senior and get to the point where you need a caretaker to come over and help you do the basic functions of life…it terrifies me.


5) Therapists.
Reason why: I had a very bad one when I was ten. She didn't effect me back then, but several years later, her words suddenly came back. It messed me up for a while. The very idea of a loved one getting any sort of therapy makes the heart stop. And if I'm ever told to get therapy, I'd resist as long as damn possible. I don't need therapy, I can take care of myself, thanks. I would rather talk to someone I know about my issues rather than pay out my ass to tell a stranger.



To those that wonder why death isn’t on my list…I decided not to bother. I am so sick of people bashing me for my apparently insensitive ideas, especially my views towards suicide. But I can tell you here that death is not something I’m afraid of. In fact, I look forward to it. However, I can assure you I’m not going to bring it to myself early, despite having ‘Growing old’ listed up there.

I did have everything written down on here, but I took it off at the last minute because there are people who would attack me for how I put suicide and death and the overall afterlife. I’d like to keep my friends if at all possible, you know. Don’t have many. XD

Also, ignore the caring emote. DA is being a brat.

-Your Lady and Mistress,
Ria